TC here. Yeah it's been a while but truth be told, I haven't been all smiles. I've actually been ... well, it's better to show you ...
TC, what the hell happened?! Well, I'll tell you. I honestly think that people don't know what they want, even in the friendship realm. On Site A, I had about three hits. One was a guy that seemed nice but as the back and forth exchange became more, some things seemed a bit off. To keep from using a lot of pronouns, I will just come up with some names.
Charlie made it seem as if he was not in a relationship. If he was, that was fine because I wasn't looking for anything romantic. The fact that he was not upfront triggered my suspicion. Plus, he was very quick to insist that she did not mind him chatting with other females due to the differences in their schedules. I just didn't want to take that chance.
The second person was actually a couple looking for a mutual friend. I did not go any further because that typically means they want a shared sexual partner. Again, not what I'm looking for.
The third person had potential, and the rapport was steady. However, I thought that she was a bit too eager to connect. Also, she was going through a lot of things, just like me. Typically, I don't mind that dynamic but because I was experiencing my own pain and taking time for me, it wouldn't be fair to her to not be available in that way. So, the way I disconnected with Salina was to stop talking to her. If I had to do it over, the technique would have been different.
On Site B, I had some sour grapes as well. One person who said I wasn't sophisticated enough for her ... truth be told, we didn't match at all. She seemed very focused on name brand things, shopping, and gambling. That wasn't really my cup of tea. The other female (Carla) was extremely nice. I felt we had a lot more in common than Miss Shop and Gamble but I never heard from her again after we finally exchanged pictures of pets and phone numbers. Not too long after that, I stopped being on both sites altogether.
Is it me? I thought the whole purpose of friendship was for a person to see who you are and find a common ground. With Site A and Site B, it was like I had to audition to be a fit for what is out there. I could not possibly predict that finding friendship in an unconventional manner would be just as daunting as the dating scene. I feel very stressed about this whole thing. It's the first time since June I've signed on under my account.
At the same time, I'm lonely. Hungry for a real connection. At first, I thought a few more females would satisfy the hunger, but I have to face facts. I'm not a Gossip Girl. I'm not a Shopaholic. I can't be around ratchet activity for long periods of time without my empath flaring up. Huge crowds overwhelm me, especially during the holidays. Estrogen wears me out. I miss having male friendships ... being around a guy and not having to deal with that annoying question if he's trying to sex me or not.
My closest male friend passed away, soon to be a year ago in February. The other male in my life I believed would be my friend no matter what else happened ... isn't, and we can never get back to that because of a myriad of events. One guy seems clueless as to how his stock has downgraded since our connection initially began. Yes, I should tell him, but he's the type that "realizes it" but doesn't "fix it". At least, not to the level where it's proper closure.
I don't want to downgrade my interaction. I strive for what I used to have or better. I am just not finding ... have not been successful in finding it since I left my old stomping ground. Is it too much to ask for a guy to see me as a person he can talk to without other parts wanting to talk? Since I've been on this part of the map, the answer is "Yes". It just sucks that a guy cannot say "Let's be friends" without it having a "benefit" or when a romantic relationship is over, he says it but really doesn't want anything else to do with the female whatsoever. Why even say the shit and not adhere to it? That's worse than just disappearing without a trace.
The most pathetic part of all is that I still want to try ... to keep hope alive that there's a Male Friend Charming Somewhere Out There. I just can't figure out how many Friendship Frogs I'm willing to have sit across from me on a nearby lily pad.
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