Sheesh! Not 4 Petty Bettys!

TC here. Yeah it's been a while but truth be told, I haven't been all smiles. I've actually been ... well, it's better to show you ...

TC, what the hell happened?! Well, I'll tell you. I honestly think that people don't know what they want, even in the friendship realm. On Site A, I had about three hits. One was a guy that seemed nice but as the back and forth exchange became more, some things seemed a bit off. To keep from using a lot of pronouns, I will just come up with some names.

Charlie made it seem as if he was not in a relationship. If he was, that was fine because I wasn't looking for anything romantic. The fact that he was not upfront triggered my suspicion. Plus, he was very quick to insist that she did not mind him chatting with other females due to the differences in their schedules. I just didn't want to take that chance.

The second person was actually a couple looking for a mutual friend. I did not go any further because that typically means they want a shared sexual partner. Again, not what I'm looking for.

The third person had potential, and the rapport was steady. However, I thought that she was a bit too eager to connect. Also, she was going through a lot of things, just like me. Typically, I don't mind that dynamic but because I was experiencing my own pain and taking time for me, it wouldn't be fair to her to not be available in that way. So, the way I disconnected with Salina was to stop talking to her. If I had to do it over, the technique would have been different.

On Site B, I had some sour grapes as well. One person who said I wasn't sophisticated enough for her ... truth be told, we didn't match at all. She seemed very focused on name brand things, shopping, and gambling. That wasn't really my cup of tea. The other female (Carla) was extremely nice. I felt we had a lot more in common than Miss Shop and Gamble but I never heard from her again after we finally exchanged pictures of pets and phone numbers. Not too long after that, I stopped being on both sites altogether.

Is it me? I thought the whole purpose of friendship was for a person to see who you are and find a common ground. With Site A and Site B, it was like I had to audition to be a fit for what is out there. I could not possibly predict that finding friendship in an unconventional manner would be just as daunting as the dating scene. I feel very stressed about this whole thing. It's the first time since June I've signed on under my account. 

At the same time, I'm lonely. Hungry for a real connection. At first, I thought a few more females would satisfy the hunger, but I have to face facts. I'm not a Gossip Girl. I'm not a Shopaholic. I can't be around ratchet activity for long periods of time without my empath flaring up. Huge crowds overwhelm me, especially during the holidays. Estrogen wears me out. I miss having male friendships ... being around a guy and not having to deal with that annoying question if he's trying to sex me or not. 

My closest male friend passed away, soon to be a year ago in February. The other male in my life I believed would be my friend no matter what else happened ... isn't, and we can never get back to that because of a myriad of events. One guy seems clueless as to how his stock has downgraded since our connection initially began. Yes, I should tell him, but he's the type that "realizes it" but doesn't "fix it". At least, not to the level where it's proper closure.

I don't want to downgrade my interaction. I strive for what I used to have or better. I am just not finding ... have not been successful in finding it since I left my old stomping ground. Is it too much to ask for a guy to see me as a person he can talk to without other parts wanting to talk? Since I've been on this part of the map, the answer is "Yes". It just sucks that a guy cannot say "Let's be friends" without it having a "benefit" or when a romantic relationship is over, he says it but really doesn't want anything else to do with the female whatsoever. Why even say the shit and not adhere to it? That's worse than just disappearing without a trace.

The most pathetic part of all is that I still want to try ... to keep hope alive that there's a Male Friend Charming Somewhere Out There. I just can't figure out how many Friendship Frogs I'm willing to have sit across from me on a nearby lily pad.

Make Like a Ghost and Disappear (aka #GetChoLife)

Hey there. TC speaking. I’ve always found it incredible how one person’s event can bring about adjustments in another person’s life.

My bestie has a beau. I will use that word because I hate “boo” and “boo thang”. 

It happened all of a sudden, and truth be told, I was hurt. 

Not because she “had one” but because she was acting all secret squirrel as to how close they were getting. 

I mean, I would ask about their convos from time to time, but she never straight out said, “TC I’m fallin’ for this dude.”

Yeah, I know my romance situation is more sour than Sour Patches but I still didn’t think she had to withhold the feel good of her companionship. I dunno … it just put me out of sorts. I even thought there was something wrong with me. I needed another ear so I spoke with a more objective party.

Love makes everything—even raw sewage—smell like some high end perfume. Even the most objective of people don’t seem as such anymore when the magical "L" word enters the picture. The bestie usually served as the logical compass, but I couldn’t rely on her navigation for this.

Once the more objective party told me it was okay to feel all of these feelings, without really putting a stamp on right and wrong, it helped some.

I don’t want to put a damper on the Bestie getting her “lovey dovey on”. I’m not really a good “extra wheel”, even if my presence has a purpose. It would be just my luck that a certain thing happens that triggers my personal b.s. and then it’d just be a wrap.

Then, the light bulb hit. I had to “get my own life” if you will. Yes, I am primarily a loner—having the ability to go places on my own without companionship. Yet, there are locations where I feel a bit awkward unless someone else is with me. Plus, I did wonder if there were any local people that I could connect with—who were interested in getting to know me—whether I was coupled or not.

Typically, I tended to have male friends but the years have taught me that not everyone’s philosophy on male friendship is the same. In addition, my current woes might be a complication that I’m unsure if I can explain clearly without the message being misconstrued. How many people really read, and out of those who still do, how many truly comprehend? I find that number getting smaller and smaller every day.

After this epiphany, I was in my email and noticed there were some messages on the site I signed up for three months ago, so I logged on and saw four messages. Two were from a male and two were from a female.

When I see a message, I do take the time to read it, and upon reading it, decide if I want to continue any conversation. It’s hard to gauge “yes” or “no” if all the person says is “hello”. Yet, in my attempt to being more open (read: not let my cynicism get in the way), I replied back to all except one, simply because some of the language suggested his intentions were not really on friendship.

I didn’t see a lot of action on that particular website. Exploring my options seemed to be a good way to go. I signed up for this women’s only website. The only difference is that using the information I put in (interests) along with my actual profile, they come up with something they call “Fast Match” and you get to decide “Yes” or “No”.

A lot of “Fast Matches” have been sent my way, but before I even hit a button, I open up one’s full profile to read the specifics. With some people, the website is “on point” and with others “wtf” were they thinking.

So … two websites … one goal. Anything can happen.

Boredom and Technology Don't Mix

My name is TC and I'd like to share a story with you. Most people, when they get bored, look at television. Perhaps, listen to some music. Some, even read a book.

Well, on the day I got bored, I turned on my laptop, landed on Google and typed in "free websites for friendship".

Of course, in a matter of seconds, hundreds of hits were generated. But seriously, how many people actually go beyond page one. We think that the first listings you see will have some of the best stuff. So ... I went with the one that was straight and to the point.

Now, I won't reveal the actual name of the site, because I don't want to be a person that's like, "Yes, this is the best site ever", only to have someone blame me for their crappy experience. I don't want the flip side either: where I don't recommend it and someone finds exactly what they were seeking.

I went through the steps of signing up: crafting a profile, putting up a picture (no Catfishing ... I'm just using the Bitmoji on this blog because it is fun) and checking off my likes. The major thing I don't like about checking off likes and such is that you don't get a chance to pick whether it's something you "seldom do", "occasionally do", or "often do".

I often spend time in the park.

I occasionally go shopping.

I seldom go to the casino.

However, on the site, it will list "outdoors", "shopping", and "gambling". It wouldn't be honest if I didn't check these off because I have done these things, but it doesn't allow a whole lot of flexibility in the frequency.

Sure, I could state this on my "About" section for clarification, but it would almost be like me repeating myself. If someone really cares that much, then one could send me a message through their interface.

After I went through all of the trouble and reached out to a few people whose information was interesting, I successfully flushed out my boredom and became rather sleepy. I shut down my computer and fell asleep, but did not return to my boredom fix until a little over three months later.