Two Rights Which Made Me Exit Stage Left

What it is! TC here. It has been a whammy since I got pushed into the “Meeting New People Waters” by the Bestie.

Where do I start? I guess I will start with the “Two Rights Which Made Me Exit Stage Left.”

Like I mentioned in my last post, on this particular website, if you dig someone, you do the right swipe; if it is a reject, then there’s the left swipe. 

There were two men, who based on a combination of looks and profile, garnered a right swipe. I won’t use their names because it is more fun to use a code name … just saying.

One I would deem Chocolate Gumdrop. The other one I will tag as Caramel Extra.

Chocolate Gumdrop is a couple of years younger than me and also nearby, so getting to see each other would not be a deterrent. Caramel Extra is a little older than me but although he is in North Jersey, traveling is no deterrent.

I was drawn more to Chocolate Gumdrop’s appearance. That I do admit. I like a sharp dressed man and not too many guys do it anymore unless they have to. Plus he is of the darker shades, and I’m drawn to darker shades. For Caramel Extra, it was the articulateness of his profile, the way he was dressed, and he had nice lips.

So … what went wrong?

There’s no way for me to put this delicately and you’ll probably judge me. However, note that I’m speaking from my own experiences. If you have had better experiences, more power to you.

All right … here goes. 

Each man that I’ve interacted with of African descent (I don’t mean an ethnicity born in America that is black; I mean one who was born in Africa, then came to America) was a not so stellar experience. I think my independent streak rubs them the wrong way. However, nothing in Chocolate Gumdrop or Caramel Extra’s profiles indicated they were of African descent.

Then, I began talking to them and that is when all was revealed. I was determined not to let my past run-ins deter me because both of them could be different. Chocolate Gumdrop and I were smooth, until we started talking. Unfortunately, there was nothing stimulating about our conversation. We were talking about the same things over and over again … we just seemed stuck. On the one day when he tried to call, I was busy with other things. I guess he took that as a sign to slow his brakes. I don’t miss the conversation.

I had bright hopes for Caramel and then he became “extra”. Apparently, my old school ways were not a hit in his book. Just when I was going to chat with him about going to the movies on one of my days off, he cocks an attitude because we did not get a chance to talk on Sunday. Keep in mind there was only a one day lapse. So, I was like if he’s going to get annoyed every time, then we should just put this on pause. He jetted like he was running from Jason Voorhees.

Why is there such a need to act so possessive in the beginning stages of getting to know each other, especially when one doesn’t know where it will lead? Has today’s modern man become needier, or am I just not down with the times?

Bestie Abuse (or Online Connectivity Take Two)

TC here. First and foremost, 2017 has arrived. There were so many events that happened in 2016 to where people were begging the New Year to arrive.

Trust me, I get it.

A lot of my favorite celebrities passed away. There was a myriad of injustices so prevalent that one thought we were in an alternate universe. A man with no political experience, moral compass, and social etiquette got voted in as the next President of the United States. It is even more depressing because the other candidate won the popular vote by almost three million people.

This could simply be a "me thing" but I believe that EACH year is marked with good and bad. What could be one person's greatest year could be someone else's worst. Not to say I did not experience my own personal tragedies. However, I don't play a comparison game, like who had it better or worse. It is just the waves of life.

Let me get the reading audience up to speed.

The bond between the Bestie and her Beau bombed somewhere between August and September. I cannot really say one hundred percent for sure, simply because for a while, the ex-Beau behaved as if he were still a Beau. It was all mighty confusing.

Needless to say, some wining (consumption, that is), chocolate savoring, cussing, crying and what not took place as part of the healing process.

At some point, the Bestie decided it was time to hop back on the wobbly wheeled Internet wagon. This go-round, there was an insistence that I ride shotgun.

Can one not breathe, have a heart attack and experience the sensation of one's skin crawling all at the same time? Maybe it's not possible ... but it's the best way to describe my reaction.

I'm not the twenty-something I used to be. No, I'm not going to reveal my age. Just know that I'm not twenty! I look more striped tiger than black panther. Gravity and medical issues have had their way with me. Not excuses, just statements of fact.

I do understand that people have a visual that attracts them. Unfortunately, some people have an unrealistic expectation of how a person looks at a certain age. There are some guys I know from high school that still expect me to look and behave the same way I did then.

That is just ludicrous to me.

Could I still look alluring to the public? Is a real woman trending these days? So many people want realness but their definition is on some Kim Kardashian level. Even worse, the ones who want Kim K look nothing close to a stud muffin. Joker, please!

After many visible tics of discomfort, I took a deep breath and told her to take a few pictures of me before I lost my nerve. Then, I took a deeper breath and told her she could go ahead and set me up on the same website she was using.

Is it bad that I already want to delete it? Seriously, I've already had to block one person within a few hours. There's another guy who acts too lazy to type out his words, so there is all this text speak, but I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt before I stop talking to him completely. Also, there are all of these foreign people. Look, if you are willing to put in some frequent flyer miles. that's one thing. But, what are the chances that I'm going to Istanbul for a date? How about invisibly slim? Think on that.

There is this function where you can swipe left for "no" and right for "yes". Why is it that some of the ones I know I've swiped "no" on hit me up anyway? Yes, I do check out the profile before making my final decision, because my decision making process isn't just on looks alone. I scan the profile to see if there are any items that automatically eliminate the person from the running, such as:

(1) Failure to have a well-crafted profile (like failure to use spell check and excessive text speak)
(2) Includes characteristics I don't go for
(3) Common interests
(4) What he's looking for

I have swiped a lot of "no", yet these people still try and talk to me. I just get the feeling all they do is look at the pictures and don't even read.

Sheesh! Not 4 Petty Bettys!

TC here. Yeah it's been a while but truth be told, I haven't been all smiles. I've actually been ... well, it's better to show you ...

TC, what the hell happened?! Well, I'll tell you. I honestly think that people don't know what they want, even in the friendship realm. On Site A, I had about three hits. One was a guy that seemed nice but as the back and forth exchange became more, some things seemed a bit off. To keep from using a lot of pronouns, I will just come up with some names.

Charlie made it seem as if he was not in a relationship. If he was, that was fine because I wasn't looking for anything romantic. The fact that he was not upfront triggered my suspicion. Plus, he was very quick to insist that she did not mind him chatting with other females due to the differences in their schedules. I just didn't want to take that chance.

The second person was actually a couple looking for a mutual friend. I did not go any further because that typically means they want a shared sexual partner. Again, not what I'm looking for.

The third person had potential, and the rapport was steady. However, I thought that she was a bit too eager to connect. Also, she was going through a lot of things, just like me. Typically, I don't mind that dynamic but because I was experiencing my own pain and taking time for me, it wouldn't be fair to her to not be available in that way. So, the way I disconnected with Salina was to stop talking to her. If I had to do it over, the technique would have been different.

On Site B, I had some sour grapes as well. One person who said I wasn't sophisticated enough for her ... truth be told, we didn't match at all. She seemed very focused on name brand things, shopping, and gambling. That wasn't really my cup of tea. The other female (Carla) was extremely nice. I felt we had a lot more in common than Miss Shop and Gamble but I never heard from her again after we finally exchanged pictures of pets and phone numbers. Not too long after that, I stopped being on both sites altogether.

Is it me? I thought the whole purpose of friendship was for a person to see who you are and find a common ground. With Site A and Site B, it was like I had to audition to be a fit for what is out there. I could not possibly predict that finding friendship in an unconventional manner would be just as daunting as the dating scene. I feel very stressed about this whole thing. It's the first time since June I've signed on under my account. 

At the same time, I'm lonely. Hungry for a real connection. At first, I thought a few more females would satisfy the hunger, but I have to face facts. I'm not a Gossip Girl. I'm not a Shopaholic. I can't be around ratchet activity for long periods of time without my empath flaring up. Huge crowds overwhelm me, especially during the holidays. Estrogen wears me out. I miss having male friendships ... being around a guy and not having to deal with that annoying question if he's trying to sex me or not. 

My closest male friend passed away, soon to be a year ago in February. The other male in my life I believed would be my friend no matter what else happened ... isn't, and we can never get back to that because of a myriad of events. One guy seems clueless as to how his stock has downgraded since our connection initially began. Yes, I should tell him, but he's the type that "realizes it" but doesn't "fix it". At least, not to the level where it's proper closure.

I don't want to downgrade my interaction. I strive for what I used to have or better. I am just not finding ... have not been successful in finding it since I left my old stomping ground. Is it too much to ask for a guy to see me as a person he can talk to without other parts wanting to talk? Since I've been on this part of the map, the answer is "Yes". It just sucks that a guy cannot say "Let's be friends" without it having a "benefit" or when a romantic relationship is over, he says it but really doesn't want anything else to do with the female whatsoever. Why even say the shit and not adhere to it? That's worse than just disappearing without a trace.

The most pathetic part of all is that I still want to try ... to keep hope alive that there's a Male Friend Charming Somewhere Out There. I just can't figure out how many Friendship Frogs I'm willing to have sit across from me on a nearby lily pad.